December 3-9 Discussion #3

The concept that can use a bit more discussion is the models of interpersonal communication. I struggled with this initially because it was a foreign concept to me and it is presented in a very abstract way in the book. I understood it after reading the explanation and the blogs but when I first tried to comprehend I had a very hard time. The core concepts that are presented in the first chapters of the book are the basic foundation chapters, but are packed with tons of information that is not always easy to follow. I really enjoyed having the instructor’s blog that explained the chapters each week in detail. It helped me connect with a lot of these abstract subjects that I could not figure out on my own. It really helped when I had to post my discussion and complete the exams. Overall that was really the only chapter that I struggled during the semester.

December 3-9 Discussion #2

My favorite thing about class was blogging. I have never had a class that involves blogging and I found it very interesting.  It was nice being able to learn about others in the class. Each person had different experiences through their friendships and relationships that I was able to learn from. I really liked the timeline that we had to do all of the assignments, it was very manageable and I felt like I had ample time for everything. My least favorite part was the 12 hour limit for posting, although I understand why that rule is in place. It allows you to be engaged throughout the entire week of class. It was a struggle with work and having very little time but I managed to make it work. I think this class was great and liked the way it was structured all around. I learned a lot from this course and enjoyed it the entire semester. 

December 3-9 Discussion #1

I have learned the importance of communication in all forms; verbal and nonverbal. I have also leanred about the importance of active listening and different styles of love. In my last paper I wrote about committed romantic relationships, which I focused an immense amount of time on. I focused on trust, commitment, and managing conflict. There is an amazing quote in the chapter of trust that states “Trust is where knowledge ends”(Wood ch.12) Although it is short, it has a great message. Trust is the ability to not know every single thing that your partner is doing and still trust they are acting on the side of goodness. Commitment is different from love because it is a choice that is made to be with someone, love you can’t always control. There were many steps and suggestions in managing conflict that I think are very helpful. In all, I have learned a lot about myself and how to communicate with others in order to create fulfilling relationships.  

Nov 12-18 Discussion #3

I found the Family Life Cycle very interesting as I have never heard of it before. There are seven stages of the cycle including : establishing a family, enlarging a family, developing a family, encouraging independence, launching children, postlaunching of children, and retirement. It’s fascinating because having a family is one of my life long dreams. Thinking about a future family in terms of the stages is overwhelming but very exciting as well. I have always had established family goals that I thought I would do by a certain age. Since I have started my career I have realized that not everything begins or can end when we predict them too. I have met many parents and married couples that also thought they would have children or get married by a certain age but it rarely happens as planned. I now have the outlook of going with the flow of life’s unexpected events and hoping for the best.  

November 11-18 Discussion #2

It is very hard to say or predict the next 50 years as there are so many variables that cause change. For the most part I think there will be a big half that wants “a vital marriage” and others who will take the route of having a committed relationship but not wanting to get married. A vital marriage is when a couple is close emotionally and want to be together physically as much as possible (Wood 308). The other half would want to be in some type of committed relationship but not get married because they don’t see the point. I have met a lot of people my age that do not see the importance in marriage. It is solely a piece of paper is their mentality. I might have a realistic prediction and a hope for the next 50 years. My hope is that my generation, those who are up next in a sense to start careers and get married really take it seriously and find the beauty in marriage. I hope that those who take part in marriage remember that it is forever because if they do we might be able to get the 50% divorce rate down.

 

November 12-18 Discussion #1

Family can be any group of people that love and care about each other despite race, age, or gender. The typical family would be two parents (a male and female married couple) with kids and any other immediate blood related relative. Although this is the “norm”, I think that a family can consist of any person blood related or not. Families can be extended, dysfunctional, diverse, and still be as valuable as any other families. Family members typically care for each other and have the mentality of “I will be here for you no matter what”. Families have bonds that differentiate from just friendship type relationships or even romantic relationships. Quite honestly, every type of family fits into my definition including; gay couples who have adopted children, single mothers or fathers, men or women remarried, children free families, family members (aunts/uncles/friends) who have been chosen to look after children, and heterosexual couples with children etc. I have a very open and accepting view about relationships especially families because I come from an interracial, divorced, and remarried household. For this reason I am a big advocate that being different than the norm is okay. 

Nov 5 - Nov 11 Discussion #3

Committed romantic relationships involve three components including commitment, passion, and intimacy. Passion describes intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for another person (Wood 277). Passion is not necessarily sexual feelings within a relationship. It includes an emotional, spiritual, and intellectual interaction. Commitment is the intention to remain involved with a relationship (Wood 278). Commitment is the decision one makes to stay in a relationship with another despite the hardships they may endure. Intimacy is feelings of closeness, connection, and tenderness (Wood 279). Intimacy reflects affection and displays feeling of caring and love. These dimensions are all present and only strengthen any committed romance. These components are interconnected and when love occurs these all seem to happen naturally. These are overwhelming feelings that are often overlooked but they are important for long lasting relationships, especially marriage. I take marriage very seriously and truly believe that once you commit to someone you have to make it work no matter what obstacles may stand in your way. 

Nov 5th - 11th Discussion #2

I have experienced a relationship in which commitment was present but love was not necessarily. I dated a guy back in high school and although many say you really can’t know what love is at that age, of course we thought we did. I was very immature and realized now that what we had was commitment but lacked a sense of true love. I can remember us being together all the time and trusting one another. Although we were young we had a committed relationship in the sense that we were dedicated to each other and had no interest in having an open relationship. There just came a time where that just didn't feel like it was good enough for me. I felt as though I was settling into a relationship where we were just coexisting. What was lacking was true love. I realized this when I started dating my current boyfriend. I fell in love with him and realized it was unlike anything that I had ever felt. Every other relationship I had prior seemed so immature compared to this. I was so happy in a relationship where we were both committed and completely in love.  In these type of committed relationships there has to be both love and commitment. It’s almost as if one can’t exist without the other. 

Nov 5th - Nov 11th Discussion #1

I personally don’t think that it is ethical for people to represent themselves inaccurately. Online dating is a choice of dating that is essentially available for adults looking for friendships and even committed romantic relationships. The only downfall to this type of dating is people are able to deceive others by posting different ages, false pictures of themselves, and even false biographies. A person can be whoever they choose in essence if they continue their relationship online. I don’t think that representing yourself inaccurately is fair to those who are online revealing their true self. It doesn't level the playing field and makes it unfair. Deception is present in all interaction but is more like online versus face to face. When you are in person you are unable to lie directly about gender, race, and other physical qualities. Someone who is willing to deceive another will find a way whether in person or online but meeting the person eventually will uncover a lot of truth. 

October 29-November 4 (Discussion #2)

My best friend has to be my roommate Cat. We display acceptance, trust, and closeness within our friendship. Acceptance is the expectation that relies on friends accepting each other including their flaws (Wood 256). Trust is a component within the friendship that involves confidence that others will be dependent and will do what they promise. Closeness is emotional intimacy that grows from time together, shared experiences, and communication. These aspects of a friendship all grow with time. Each of the components is intertwined and functions harmoniously together. Cat and I are very different people but we have accepted each other’s personalities even though it doesn’t replicate our own. We have grown to trust by being there for each other in times of need and sorrow.  Our closeness has developed through years of friendship and time spent doing things or going places with each other. The dynamics in our friendship is exactly how the chapter depicts it including the paragraph about having support for one another

October 26- November 2 (Discussion #1)

The issues raised in the advice forum are a direct reflection of the challenges to friendship presented in the chapter. A lot of the forum spoke of the pressures on friendships with an emphasis on internal pressures. I read a lot about the pressure of friends having diverse communication styles as well as sexual attraction. “Friendships may also be strained by the miscommunication that arise from diverse cultural background” (Wood 264). I read a posting that described a friendship of two friends that are from different cultures. One of them is American and the other is Colombian. The American woman describes her type of communication to be rather sarcastic and a lot of the time, the Colombian man doesn't pick up on it because her culture seldom uses sarcasm as a form of joking. This has caused a pressure throughout their friendship. There is also sexual attraction, “even if there is no sexual activity, sexual undertones may ripple beneath the surface of friendships” (Wood 265). This can stem between any type of friendship including one with a female and male present. Many friendships have to go through this initial awkward phase of sexual tension before they can focus on building a long lasting meaningful friendship. In all these issues can be solved through healthy forms of communication and support for one another. 

October 15-21 (Discussion #3)

After reading chapter 8 I found that I really enjoyed the “Guidelines for Creating and Sustaining Healthy Climates”. It talks about how to create a confirming climate in all of your relationships. First you have to accept and confirm others by validating others even if we disagree with them. The second is to affirm and assert yourself by standing up for what you believe in even if the people around you don’t have the same opinions. The third is to respect diversity in your relationships by allowing people to be themselves and not try to change them. The last is to respond to criticism constructively by seeking out why people may be reacting toward you a certain way instead of dismissing their information. After looking over these various tips, I have noticed that I can personally change the climate around me without waiting for the other person to do so. 

October 15-21 (Discussion #2)

I often feel uncomfortable talking to my parents about relationships. We often get very passionate about what we are arguing and create a defensive climate. We often disagree because I think that young couples should move in together before they get married. My parents disagree and believe that no couple should jump into moving in together unless they have an established commitment like a marriage (or an engagement). Instead of using provisionalism my parents often use certainty. Certainty is language that is often absolute and only conveys one answer, where provisionalism communicates and openness to others views (Wood 208). This is the most apparent use of Gibb’s behaviors that I see when I speak with my parents. I realize that if we use more of this language to gain a sense of openness in our conversations we will be better off. We will be able walk away with the sense of “it’s okay if we disagree”. 

October 15-21 (Discussion #1)

I have found it extremely difficult to confirm others when I disagree with them. I find that I am very adamant about my opinions and forget to acknowledge other’s views. I wasn't sure how to tell the difference between the three terms but after reading the chapter I understood how they can coincide with each other. The first confirmation is recognizing.  You can recognize that another person exists with nonverbal behaviors and verbal communication. The second confirmation is acknowledgement. You can acknowledge what another feels, thinks, and says. We can acknowledge this by nodding our head and making eye contact. The last confirmation is endorsement. This involves accepting another’s feeling or thoughts. After reading the chapter I understand that endorsement “isn’t always possible if we are trying to be honest with others”. If we don’t agree with someone we may not always be able to give them an endorsing response. In order to confirm someone it must be genuine and sincere. There is a way to confirm someone without endorsing their thoughts. A person can acknowledge what another person is feeling but not necessarily agree with their thoughts. 

October 1-7 #1

After reading the chapter on emotions I am still in the process of understanding it. This chapter was not as relatable as the others have been and confused me a bit but the physiological influences on emotions made the most sense. Physiological responses are emotions that you experience that are directly reflected by external influences. When receiving a new car one may have the instant feeling of joy or giddiness. While if being chased by someone one may experience feelings of adrenaline and anxiety. These are both good examples that the book provides in order to show us these instinctual feelings that exist. These emotions are vary instantaneous and are from within. The other perspectives are not as simple for me to comprehend. Although I can picture the examples given very clearly in my mind, it would be hard for me to say I can define it as a whole. 

September 24- 30 (Discussion #3)

In this weeks' chapter I was very intrigued on the guidelines for effective listening. There are three parts that compose this including "be mindful", "adapt listening appropriately", and "listen actively". To sum it up the chapter suggests that mindfulness includes committing to another person and using interpersonal communication to understand there messages. Listening appropriately suggest listening without distractions and engage in expressing yourself. Listen actively means that we must be willing to listen effectively and interpret was is actually being said. It is nice that there are guidelines that help understand and break down the listening process. I have realized that I have to do the first step more and "be mindful" of what others are saying as well as the meaning behind it. Its easy to hear the words that someone speaks but more difficult to understand their intentions or message. Although the process of listening is tedious, it has been helpful in progressing my listening skills.

September 24-30 (Discussion #2)

After reading “Listening is a 10 part Skill”, I was able to understand what I was missing from my own listening regimen. I often am very attentive when I listen but I don’t follow the second guideline which is “judge by content, not delivery”. I have a hard time understanding the message behind one’s communication. It is difficult for me to listen to others when I have already passed certain judgment on the way that they communicate. It is a terrible habit! I realized that I am pretty good at “listening for ideas”. It is difficult to remember important facts when you’re hearing so much during a normal conversation. But I have found that jogging my memory to remember what I had heard is the best way to retain it and still manage to listen. In all I learned that listening is a process that takes work “and could be mastered with a little effort” like the author said.

September 24-30 (Discussion #1)

I would have never guessed there were so many forms of non-listening. When I came across each one I thought of myself or someone close that I knew that fit the description perfectly. I unfortunately am a defensive listener. Defensive listening is “perceiving personal attacks, criticism, or hostility in communication that is not critical of mean- spirited” (Wood 158). I have definitely known that I am a defensive person but could never put it into words or find a way to explain it. Once I read this I could think of plenty of times where someone I am conversing with tries to compliment me and I tend to take it the wrong way or pull the negative from it. For example, if my boyfriend were to say “You look pretty today”, I respond with “What are you saying, I don’t look pretty every other day”. Its so ridiculous looking back and acknowledging that my responses are so petty but it just slips out! I have figured out that to fix this, I have to see the positive in others and not assume the worst all the time. I have to really listen to what the person is saying and not look for hidden meanings when the person truly has good intentions. 

September 10-16 Discussion #3

In this weeks reading I found the topic of speech communities to be fascinating. As defined in the book it is “when people share norms about how to use talk and what purposes it serves”(Labov 1972) (Wood 108). It describes these communities that are not connected by which language they speak but more how they use it to communicate. This means using language to be more assertive versus passive.  Being both Cuban and Filipino I have noticed from my own personal experience that each culture using their speech as a way to communicate in two different ways. The Cuban side of my family uses their speech very boldly with a great emphasis on story telling while the Filipino side uses speech in a more timid and inert type of way. These would represent certain speech communities that are able to find how to interact in order to communicate effectively.

September 10-16 (Discussion #2)

I learned that hate speech is defined as any type of communication that is used to threaten or induce prejudice upon others. Anyone can engage in it but it is prominent in protest type groups that join for a commonality like race, gender, or religion. It has been difficult to regulate hate speech because some fight to protect it under the constitutional right of free speech. I think hate speech should be more harshly regulated especially on the web. Now that social networking sites are so commonly used they have become an easy avenue for people to use hate speech to target others. It is often hard to keep track of and prosecute as the laws have not caught up with the technologies of today. Although I believe in the right to freedom of speech, I think hate speech should be the exception. Hate speech does nothing but build animosity and ruin the quality of life around us. There are less formal ways like education. I think implementing anti-bullying programs in schools to teach kids the foundation and basics of hate crime would be the first step.

September 10-16 ( Discussion #1)

I would propose something similar to Reverend Jesse Jackson’s like a box of assorted chocolates. A box of chocolate contains pieces with different fillings and nuts. The different fillings represent different races and cultures while the chocolate represents our human race as a whole. We may be part of an array of races but in the end we are all unified as people. In my opinion I like both metaphors that were proposed for American society. I think the melting pot metaphor was used to remind us that even though our nation is being filled with different races to not let that divide us or separate us into different categories. The point was to prove unity and color blindness.  At the same time I understand how others may criticize that and propose the quilt reference as a better metaphor. The quilt metaphor is also a good one because it shows us that it is okay for us to see “color” as long as we appreciate it. I like both metaphors and I appreciate the positive message they are trying to send regarding our American society.

September 3-9 (Discussion #3)

I found the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies to be very interesting. It is the idea that when you expect something to occur you may begin to act in a way that impacts the outcome to happen in the way you expected. For example, if I believe I am a bad student because my former teachers have always put me down or made me feel inept;  I may start to miss class or not try as hard with homework because I already have it in my mind that I am a failure. So in turn I begin to act like one, not because it is true but because I believe and expect it to be true. Young children who are presented with negative expectations of themselves by adults are the ones who are affected the most. They are at an age where they cannot comprehend the psychological effects of labels and generalizations, so they respond very personally to comments made about them, both negative and positive. It is interesting to see how the human mind can self-fulfill these certain ideas of expectations that may not be ones we created for ourselves.

September 3-9 (Discussion #2)

Race as described in the book is “considered a primary aspect of personal identity”(Wood 49). I have  viewed race as a way to identify a piece of a person but not used to be a direct reflection of who someone truly is. Race is just one aspect that someone may use to build a social construction or view of themselves. Others may identify themselves by their culture, skin color, talents, characteristics etc. I don’t think that race is a good way to classify people because unfortunately our society cannot view race without bias or stigmas attached. Although we are diverse and become more tolerant as a nation, it is still hard for our society to pass little judgment on others due to their background. People should not be classified and segregated by race because it is usually irrelevant information in my eyes (standardized testing etc). I strongly believe that the Census Bureau should allow people to check multiple races to define themselves. A person who is multiracial should be allowed to check box multiple races or check box a multiracial category. It may seem insignificant to have a multiracial person check one race over the other. Many ask, “what’s the big deal?”. Well, in my case I am half Cuban and half Filipino. I am also first generation American. So for me, having to choose on any document one race over the other runs emotionally deeper for me than just the piece of paper. It’s like asking me to pick between my mom and my dad. It is a terrible feeling, especially when I feel as though I identify with both. The Census Bureau should allow people to express their identities to the full extent and allow them to disclose what their race is, if they choose to do so.

September 3-9 (Discussion #1)

When I went on a search to find men and women that were 20 and 40 years older than me, I thought “who better than my own parents and grandparents”.

Surprisingly, I found that my parents and grandparents had similar points of view even with having a generation in between them. I found that in my grandparent’s time, women’s sole purposes were to be good housewives. A woman was not judged by her intelligence or her worldliness, she was judged by how clean her house was. During their time it was unheard of for a man to not have a job. Men and women were expected to have long relationships that were closely chaperoned at all times and then move to marriage soon thereafter. Then after that came a family etc. It was inappropriate for women to think of having a career or do anything else but serve her husband.  Throughout my parent’s time it didn’t seem as though things were as extreme but similar values still arose. For example, when they spoke about expectations women were to look forward to starting marriages and families while men were expected to have stable jobs/careers. Women were expected to live at home until marriage and not to focus on a career path. Men were expected to become providers and prepare to take care of a woman. It was inappropriate for women to take on men’s roles  and for couples to live together without being married.

The similar pattern that I found is that it was very centered around men being the providers and women being the caretakers of the home and family. There was still a clear separation of gender roles and what is appropriate for a man versus a woman. The life goals were very much based on marriage and a woman catering to a man or a man providing for woman/family. There was no room for a person to take time for themselves and  explore what truly makes them happy. It was unheard of for a young woman like myself at the age of 22 to leave to college to study and travel the world for leisure. At 22 both my mom and grandma were both married with their first child! What a change 2 generations makes!

 

Discussion 2

The relationship I have had that has grown closer over time is the one with my boyfriend. The early stage of the relationship was great and very interesting. We grew close very fast and I began feeling like we knew everything about each other!  We hit it off wonderfully and found that we had many similarities as well as differences. It is an I-You relationship. Over the span of a year I thought there wasn’t much more to learn but until this day I learn new things about them every day. We talked about each other’s upbringing, our past experiences, our likes/dislikes, and what our future goals were. We tended to avoid politics as we have very opposite views on that. I am more spontaneous and he is more calculated as well as analytical. After many debates about certain subjects we began to realize that we can “agree to disagree”. It has worked out a lot better that way. Our fields of experience differ but we have found that it has broadened our perspectives. He is very internal when it comes to his emotions and analyzes everything. I am able to express myself anytime anywhere! It has helped us grow closer because we’ve taught each other patience and tolerance for other views.

Week 2 : Discussion 2

Linear models display a one sided way of communicating with another. The linear model describes communication between two people; one being a sender and the other being a receiver. One person speaks as the other listens without responding. The interactive model requires interaction between both parties in the conversation. It is described as a two way process instead of one process like the linear model.

I seem to have both types of communication with different people in my life. The linear model reminds me of the conversations I have with my mom. She usually is lecturing me or giving me advice which leads her to being the sender and me being the receiver. The conversations that I engage in with my friends are very collaborative in the sense that we both contribute to the conversation. We switch roles throughout the conversation as the speaker as well as the listener.

 I like to picture it as a navigation system where the linear model describes a direct route to a destination versus the interactive model that allows for alternate routes. Being a communications major has helped me understand and learn about all the various types of communication styles that are used in conversations.

Introduction!

Hi Professor and fellow classmates,

My name is Brittany and I am a senior in my last semester here at SJSU! I am pleased to say it has been a wonderful experience and I cannot wait to see where life takes me after this. This past summer has already brought such opportunity to my life as I became a flight attendant with a wonderful airline. I love traveling and exploring hence my new career; and anticipate the new adventures that are yet to come my way. I have spent the last four years here in San Jose, and hopefully after graduation I will be able to move back to my hometown of sunny and smoggy Los Angeles. I plan to travel for a couple years and eventually invest in a new career with my degree in communications. I look forward to meeting all of you and having a great semester. Thank you!