I would have never guessed there were so many forms of non-listening. When I came across each one I thought of myself or someone close that I knew that fit the description perfectly. I unfortunately am a defensive listener. Defensive listening is “perceiving personal attacks, criticism, or hostility in communication that is not critical of mean- spirited” (Wood 158). I have definitely known that I am a defensive person but could never put it into words or find a way to explain it. Once I read this I could think of plenty of times where someone I am conversing with tries to compliment me and I tend to take it the wrong way or pull the negative from it. For example, if my boyfriend were to say “You look pretty today”, I respond with “What are you saying, I don’t look pretty every other day”. Its so ridiculous looking back and acknowledging that my responses are so petty but it just slips out! I have figured out that to fix this, I have to see the positive in others and not assume the worst all the time. I have to really listen to what the person is saying and not look for hidden meanings when the person truly has good intentions.
Like you, before reading this chapter I would have never guessed that there were so many forms of non-listening. Not even that, but I wouldn’t think that each one had a name. I can relate with you on how I once took a compliment someone gave me the wrong way. I’ve encountered something similar to you. One lady I hadn’t seen in a long time saw me and said “Oh my, you got so pretty”. The next day a different lady I hadn’t seen said almost the same thing. Instead of taking it as a compliment I was shocked and thought, “Goodness, was I ugly before?” It really annoys me, but I know they didn’t mean it the wrong way.
ReplyDeleteI never thought that there were this many forms of non-listening either and I would have never thought that they all had names like this. After reading your post, I can see how I can be a defensive listener sometimes as well. I think that once in a while, all of us are defensive listeners and always take things the wrong way, even if they are meant to be nice. I feel as though I am more of a defensive listener when I am in a bad mood or do not feel well. Like you said, the easiest way to fix this problem is to see the good in the people talking to you and not the bad, no matter how hard that might be.
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